i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
