I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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