My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize