the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
only you would photoshop your dick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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