Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
