I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
