if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
