I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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