What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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