He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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