We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
