He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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