So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
