I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize