Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.