How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
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i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.