After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.