just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend