We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.