He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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