shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
