i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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