There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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