You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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