Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
