if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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