I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
