So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just high enough for therapy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
