1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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