dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
