honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
