just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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