my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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