Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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