where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
