Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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