What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
