his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
