I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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