piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
