So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
