she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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