my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize