i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
