White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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