in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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