Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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