apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
