I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
