someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize