I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
