but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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