I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Blood and glitter go together right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
