it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
