I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
