No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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