He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
