my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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