Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
