Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
