Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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