I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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