so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
