I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
