So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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