My hand turned me down
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sober January is a disaster.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
