nutella sex= disaster
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
