So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
