I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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